By Carmen Ashworth ‘26
Strength, cunning, camouflage, intellect. These skills may seem inapplicable to everyday life, but when dropped in an arena and forced to struggle until only one remains, they become crucial. This is the basis of The Hunger Games, a dystopian novel set in a world where people from 12 different districts must fight to the death in an annual gladiatorial contest. But what if, rather than teens, the contestants of such a competition were St. Andrew’s upper school teachers?
In the classroom, a teacher’s strength or hidden talents may seem unimportant, but in a ruthless environment like the Hunger Games, they could be the line between life and death. In order to celebrate these often overlooked skills of St. Andrew’s beloved teachers, a survey was sent to the upper school to see which teachers students believed would win the Hunger Games and why.
With over 50 responses from all four grades, here are the top five teachers that upper school students believed would win the Games:
5) Mr. Null. While calculus knowledge may seem unnecessary in the wilderness, Mr. Null has many other talents. Senior Ryan O’Keefe said that he is a “Bodybuilder,” and that his strength would serve him well fighting against the others. Another student who wished to remain anonymous noted that he “works out a lot in the Gym,” but even his “calculus BC knowledge and Mountain Biking [skills]” would serve him well. Who knows? If there was a mountain bike in the Cornucopia, Mr. Null might be able to outpace all the other teachers and bike his way to victory.
4) Mr. Ferriby. Mr. Ferriby might be easily detected due to his significant height, but his other skills make up for it. Junior AB Tsai-Turton said that “he can use his knowledge of chemistry, biology, or some physics to create traps, weapons, and find ways to survive in the wild.” In this way, Mr. Ferriby’s expertise in different fields of science would help him be “resourceful and creative when it comes to solving problems and making the most of his environment,” said Tsai-Turton. More students came to this conclusion, like junior Joseph Peters. Peters said that Mr. Ferriby is “the guy to somehow develop a disease mid-hunger games,” but his height would be a “physical advantage over other teachers” rather than a hindrance.
3) Mr. Dahlke. With over seven votes, Mr. Dahlke was a popular contender among students. Senior Finn McManus noted how his “resourcefulness, wilderness acumen, logical skills, furtiveness, wisdom, and brawny strength” would help him survive not just in the physical sense, but would help keep him sharp in the mental game as well. Junior Austin Love drew on this same idea and said that Mr. Dahlke has the “mentality to survive.” Philosophy and religion may seem more concerned with existential ideas than physical ones, but the insightfulness involved in those pursuits might allow Mr. Dahlke to see past small problems and focus on the bigger picture: survival. Junior Sarah Fee said, “he would have some sort of plan on how to survive. He would either find a way to hide or immediately wipe everyone out.” This idea was echoed by another anonymous student, who said that Mr. Dahlke is “Just an overpowered fellow with survival instincts. He would totally know how to survive in a dangerous setting” and that he “would outwit all the other teachers and be very creative when making plans.”
2) Mr. Gill. A close contender for first, Mr. Gill’s skills would help him not only avoid conflict, but also run away from it. Junior Sophie Li noted how Mr. Gill “has the physical capabilities,” but also “seems to know a lot about motivation and nutritional things for runners, which can definitely come in clutch.” Indeed, as readers of The Hunger Games might know, the games themselves are often won through cleverness and adaptability, not sheer brute force. As sophomore Malini Shah said, Mr. Gill “is the most resourceful and competitive.” Freshman Caiseal Corkran also noted that his charisma would help him “because he would get lots of sponsors.” It’s not just physical strength that students believed would aid Mr. Gill – as freshman Eireni Scott said, “he would use his history skills to defeat the others.” So, according to students, Mr. Gill would be able to outpace the other teachers physically, but his mental savvy and prior knowledge would assist him in finding unconventional ways to either collaborate with his competitors or use their own strengths against them. As junior Nicole Pathak put it, “Mr. Gill is a force of nature who perplexes all who witness him. His sheer insanity would disorient anyone who comes into contact with him and while they were trying to decipher his next moves.”
1) Ms. Shields. Armed with chemistry knowledge, track experience, and past experience in the police force, Ms. Shields was deemed as the most fit candidate to win the Hunger Games. As junior Nuri Park so eloquently put it, “Ms. Shields would kick anyone’s butt! You don’t want to mess with her.” Others who decided to remain anonymous said that “she’s super smart and athletic,” and that her past career as a police officer and track runner would give her “quick reflexes” and allow her to be “resourceful.” Senior Ashley Antezana said that Ms. Shields is “versatile,” and she is “both book smart and street smart, as well as one of, if not the most athletic teacher in the Upper School.” Others noted that her background in Chemistry and Forensics gives her “logical skills,” while the “tactical training” she received as a police officer would assist her in looking at dilemmas through multiple lenses. Regarding her athletic prowess, senior Maddy Friedman said that “college D1 track helps her with patience and perseverance,” but “she is also very smart and would use strategy along with skill to defeat her opponents.” In all, Ms. Shields would win not only due to her adeptness at Chemistry, track, and law enforcement, but because the combination of these skills would help her.
Honorable mentions include Ms. Goodrich, who senior Teeda Izadi said would “throw all the ceramics pieces her students have made over the years at the other teachers to lead her to victory.” Mr. Moorman was also mentioned, as junior Andre Beracha highlighted that he is “an incredibly capable individual. His problem solving abilities give him an edge when in tough situations. Further, his athleticism exceeds that of most teachers, another imperative trait for the Hunger Games.” As junior Adam Grumet put it, “you can’t teach that type of heart.” Overall, this poll highlighted the fact that it doesn’t simply take an inclination towards violence or mindless slaughter to survive. Whether it is through athleticism, methodical thinking skills, prior life experiences, or charisma, students have decided that St. Andrew’s teachers would ultimately fare well in the Hunger Games
